Friday Funnies: Social media from the grave; stupid criminals; Onion victim

Weekly humorous news excerpts from The Executive Suite


I'm starting a new tradition in The Executive Suite, the Friday Funnies! It's a quick collection of a few humorous stories I've compiled each week -- sometimes security-related, sometimes just something funny as we head into the weekend.

For the inagural edition of the Friday Funnies, I will start with the ultimate in dedication for any social media guru (hopefully, like yourself). I received an e-mail this week from an enterprising company that has created an app that enables you to post to your Facebook wall from the grave! That's right, set up this app before you kick the bucket, and you can fool people into thinking you are still alive and kicking!

First, the pitch..."Maxelerator Ltd. has launched Immortum (www.immortum.com), a site that allows continued social media interactions even after people have died. Immortum allows people to store their messages and publish them later, including after death. The published messages are posted on their personal blog as well as their Facebook wall, allowing users to continue  social media interactions even after they die."

The press release goes to on describe the heartwarming tale of a user who posted a secret message for his yet-to-be-born grandchild; and another who has prepared a message for her young daughter which would be delivered when she grows up and gets married. But let's just think about the can of worms this app can unleash on the unsuspecting public by someone who doesn't have such a heart-warming idea...go ahead and get that post-mortem tweet ready for the boss you have been itching to tell off for the last 5 years...one thing I can assure you - you won't be getting in any trouble at work when you're dead!

Stupid Criminals - just because Jay Leno came up with the best name for it, doesn't mean I can't use it too

  • Idiot #1: A 19-year-old Chicago man goes to the airport and empties his pockets into a bin to be checked at a TSA security checkpoint...security officials find FIVE BAGS of marijuana in the bin. Idiot arrested (exactly what did he think was going to happen?).
  • Idiot #2: Police found a 22-year-old burglar in a Kentucky market. The store’s front door was “busted out,” and several fire extinguishers had been discharged. Oh yeah, the burglar was totally naked except for a pair of black boots...and he had smeared peanut butter and chocolate all over "his person." To apologize, the guy spelled out "sorry" on the floor with some NyQuil.


The Onion Claims another Victim
Finally, it isn't a new concept, but when "out-of-touch with social reality" politicians get taken in by the popular parody news site, The Onion, it's hard not to laugh. Republican House Rep. John Fleming of Louisiana read an article posted to the Onion's website headlined, "Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex." Fleming took to his Facebook account, writing: "More on Planned Parenthood. Abortion by the wholesale" with a link to the article (oops!).

Of course, the red-faced congressman pulled the post when several people pointed out the satirical nature of the article he was referring to. One commenter wonders "how exactly did you get elected?"

But there's actually a security lesson here: Once something's on the Internet, "deleted" never really means "gone." In fact, there is a website specifically designed to "out" people who fall for Onion stories. Mr. Fleming's goof will live on in shame forever, check it out here.

If you have read or seen an article that you think should be in the Friday Funnies, please send it to me at paul.rothman@cygnus.com. See ya next week!